


I'll be your strength, I'll be your home

by Havanar



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Angst, Beefy Keith, Hurt/Comfort, Jaeger Pilots, M/M, Matt is dead, Nightmares, Pilot Keith (Voltron), Temporary Amnesia, at least I hope he's beefy enough, minor mentions of blood, the road to drift compatibility
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-04 00:21:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17887949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Havanar/pseuds/Havanar
Summary: Shiro returns from the dead in the midst of a Kaiju attack, alone without a co-pilot.This is the story of how Shiro and Keith become co-pilots.





	I'll be your strength, I'll be your home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kika988](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kika988/gifts).



> Hi Kika! Here's your Sheighlentines. I really hope you enjoy it! (And that I made Keith beefy enough.) I went with pacific rim AU because it sounded fun, and then I realised that I barely remember ANYTHING from that movie (and I didn't have time to rewatch so sorry if I messed with some of the lore haha).
> 
> (Yes I wrote this fic while listening to walk alone over and over again)

ALASKA BASE 2020  
37 DAYS SINCE LAST KAIJU ATTACK

 

* * *

 

 

Shiro returns to Keith on a rainy day. He’s waiting under a large umbrella, the only member of the Alaska base willing to brave the rain, even for Shiro. The war hero,  the man who returned from the dead. Keith can see the difference almost immediately as Shiro leaves the plane, even from this far away. He can see the built up muscle, the shine of metal where his right arm should be.

“He’s changed, Kogane.” Iverson had told him. It was the day he left to pick Shiro up. Keith hadn't missed the worry in his eyes. But they’d known that from the day he’d returned. Triumphantly broken. Keith still gets flashbacks. It’s like the news report is stuck on loop inside his head. PRESUMED DEAD STAR PILOT FOUND ALIVE IN SAN DIEGO. It’s circled round and round in his head for the past month, ever since Shiro's return.

He keeps his eyes trained on Shiro as he gets closer, the way he would on an emerging Kaiju in the simulator. Watches the way his new arm moves in perfect fluidity with the rest of his body. The broadness of his shoulders had always been something that had fascinated Keith, and now he was even broader. Keith has grown in the past year, worked up his own muscle, but he's nothing compared to Shiro. “He won’t speak of the last year.” Iverson had told him after his first visit to Shiro. He hadn't divulged his bodies changes to anyone, not even the arm or the shock of white hair. Keith had been made aware of the changes, both as Shiro’s friend and as the Garrison’s only candidate for co-pilot. But as Shiro nears it’s the scar that catches him. Splitting Shiro’s face in half across the bridge of his nose. A cruel, jagged edge. But Keith pushes it away. Pushes everything away. Because this is Shiro, the same Shiro who saved him, who told Keith he'd never give up on him.

“Captain Shirogane.” He says, pushing his hand in front of Shiro. He wants to wrap his arms around him. To crash into Shiro's embrace. but he's not a cadet anymore. He's a pilot, an adult. And he'll be whatever Shrio needs. Shiro stops. His eyes move over Keith’s body, taking him in for a second. Keith knows he’s changed in the past year. He’s spent time cataloguing his own changes for when Shiro returns. His muscles are stronger, he’s a little bigger. No where near what Shiro is now but no longer scrawny and small. Shiro reaches out with his mechanical arm, taking Keith’s hand. His face remains composed, betraying nothing. Keith tries not to let it get to him. Instead he intertwines his fingers with the cool metal of Shiro’s. He takes note of the way Shiro glances down, for the briefest moment, before squeezing. _His grip is still tight._ Keith thinks.

“Shiro, you remember Pilot Kogane.” Iverson says from over his shoulder as Shiro lets go. Steely eyes finally meeting Keith’s. Keith lets out a breath. _He’s home._ Keith barely notices as Iverson opens another umbrella, offering it to Shiro.

“It’s good to have you back.” Keith says and Shiro breaks eye contact. He drops Keith’s hand and moves past him without another word.

* * *

 

Shiro finds Iverson at his door later that night. The'd left him to settle in by himself. Hoping the room and the Alaska base would settle his memories. It’s exactly the same room he’d had before he left. It’s achingly familiar, from the damp above the sink to the dark grey bed sheets. His memories of the Alaska base, of his life before taking down that Kaiju in San Diego are intact anyway. It’s almost like the past year, like San Diego hadn’t happened at all. Except for the empty room next to his. The one that used to be Matt’s.

Iverson doesn't even wait for an invitation, just makes his way inside and takes the chair. The only one in Shiro’s dingy pilot's quarters. He takes the bed, gravity pulling him down until he’s lower than Iverson, looking up at him like the star eyed cadet he once was.

“Shiro.” Iverson starts. He looks older than the last time Shiro had seen him on the Alaska base, through the comms of his Jaeger. His face looks sunken, dark bags frame his eyes. He’s not the soldier in his prime anymore. No longer the dazzling war hero, the first Jaeger pilot. The saviour of the universe. “We’re aware that you’ve returned to us with new… capabilities.” He continues, eyes meeting Shiro’s. Here we go. Shiro thinks. He knows Iverson is about to pick up the argument from the hospital again. The one that had been quietly flowing between them for days. Shiro had woken in a dormant Jaeger. His Jaeger - Atlas. Alone. No comms, no co pilot. Just him, and a Kaiju tearing down San Diego. He’d looked for Matt at first. The last memories filling his brain were of Matt’s scream as the Kaiju attacked, the thud as his co-pilot went down. The blood on the floor after the Jaeger’s control pit had been ripped into pieces. Then the Kaiju had turned towards him. So he’d moved. He’d piloted Atlas himself, taken the Kaiju down himself. He hadn’t even noticed that Atlas was fully functioning, complete, when his last memories were of a Kaiju destroying her, taking Matt down with it. He’d called for Matt again after. Screamed at the Garrison officials, asking why Matt wasn’t hooked into the spinal clamp next to his own. Why the space he’d occupied in Shiro’s mind was blank. He’d dismissed the shock on their faces at first. They hadn’t told him he’d been missing for a year until Iverson had arrived. Hadn’t told him that Matt’s body had been thrown from the Jaeger over a year ago. Recovered for a small military funeral in his home town in Wisconsin.

“If you want to rejoin the fight, we’ll support you.” Iverson continues, sinking into his seat a little, letting his guard down in the relative safety of Shiro’s room. Shiro had always liked Iverson. As a child he’d looked up to him. He’d saved Osaka during a Kaiju attack, while Shiro hid in a shelter, still small enough to curl in-between his mother and father. That was the day he’d decided to become a pilot. He’d thanked the God’s when Iverson was listed as his commanding officer. Worked harder, better, until he was chosen for Iverson’s squadron. Iverson was a good leader. He’d made it feel as close to a family as group of pilots fighting giant monsters from the depths of the earth could be.

But Shiro knows what’s coming. Knows that there’s a reason he was relocated back to the Alaska base. His mind starts racing, ready to counter whatever Iverson is going to say. Because if he’s joining this fight again he’s joining it alone. He’s not going to risk anyone else.

“But Jaeger's were never meant to be piloted alone.” Iverson says, cutting across his thoughts.

“But I can pilot alone.” Shiro hits back. He barely notices the tablet Iverson has pulled from his pocket. It’s one of the new foldable screens. “You saw the tests, I don’t need to rely on a co-pilot anymore. Surely it’s more economical for me to pilot alone, we could have more Jaeger’s, more wins.” Shiro continues. He feels like a child, arguing his point from his bed. They should be having this conversation at a desk. Shiro standing to attention, like real soldiers.

But instead Iverson stands and presses the tablet into Shiro’s hands.

“This isn’t about economics, Shiro.” He says, voice even. “It’s destroying you.” Shiro’s eyes flick to Iverson’s, then back down to the tablet. As Iverson continues the graphs and tables on the screen begin to make sense. They’re his medical results. “Solo exposure to the Jaeger is weakening your muscles, turning them into mush.” Iverson says, louder. In their few weeks apart Shiro had forgotten how his voice could hit you like a punch. How he and the rest of the cadets used to cower in fear when he shouted. “Muscular Dystrophy is what they’re calling it. Your immune system is weaker too.” The words seem to fling themselves across the room. Stunning Shiro into silence. Weakened muscles. That’s why he was feeling so tired. He’d thought the heaviness in his arms was just muscle memory from piloting.

“I’m fine.” Shiro hears himself mumble. _What does it matter anyway?_ All pilots die eventually. At least this way he doesn’t have to risk anyone he loves. Doesn’t have to get to know anyone inside and out before watching them bleed out on the floor of a Jaegar. Doesn’t have to tell their parents that he’s sorry for their loss. Doesn’t have to attend the funeral of his teammates, the ones who knew his deepest fears, his greatest achievements, his most guarded secrets.

"Your hair’s turning white, Shiro. You must have had some god damned idea.”

“If piloting alone means no one else has to lose their life for me.” He mutters.

“Pilot Holt did not die for you Shiro.” Iverson responds, just as fast. “He died from a blow from a kaiju, protecting this planet.” Shiro averts his gaze as Iverson stands up, brushing off his uniform slightly. “The tablet’s yours.” He adds over his shoulder. “And you’re getting a new co-pilot. Tomorrow.”

Shiro shoots to his feet. Ignoring the pain in his knees. _Old age._ He tells himself. Ignoring the voice in the back of his head reminding him that he’s only 23- _24 now_  he reminds himself. “Sir, I can pilot alone, there’s no need-” He begins. The look Iverson throws him is as cold as the ice outside.

“You’re the only member of my squadron left Shiro.” Iverson says, voice calm. Eyes steely. “I will not let you throw away your life by being stupid.”

* * *

 

Shiro isn’t surprised when he walks into Iverson’s office the next morning to see Keith. He'd changed so much that Shiro hadn't recognised him initially. it had taken him a moment, as Keith had thrust his arm out to align his memory of the cadet he left behind with the pilot who'd stood before him. Keith snaps to attention when he enters anyway, offering a salute.

“Captain Shirogane.” He says.

 _Of course they would choose Keith._ The cadet he’d mentored, who he’d eventually called one of his best friends. Logically, Shiro knows that it makes sense. Keith had always been talented. A good pilot in the simulator, a skilled mechanic, but difficult. The Garrison had been dying to find him a drift compatible pilot. Iverson had tried almost every combination of pilots with Keith, all failing to even initiate a drift.

“Am I broken?” a younger Keith had asked him, his shoulders hunched. The scrawny Keith that he remembers, not the one who stands in front of him now, well toned, body to attention.

“Maybe they just haven’t found the right person yet.” Shiro had replied.

Clearly The Garrison thought he was the right person. Anger bubbles under his armour, pushing it’s way from his heart and into his arms, down his veins until he wants to punch something. He doesn’t know how he keeps his voice calm as he says: “Keith, I think you should wait outside.” Because the only thing he can think is _how dare they._ How dare they make him risk the life of his best friend, of the only friend he has left, when he can fight alone just fine.

Something in his gaze must persuade Keith. _Or maybe he’s just better at taking orders now._ He thinks as Keith leaves with a nod from Iverson. The Keith he knew would have argued, would have demanded to stay in the room.

The door clicks shut and Shiro meets Iverson’s gaze.

“Keith?” He asks quietly.

“We’ve run the simulations, you two have the potential to be the most compatible co-pilots we’ve ever seen.” Iverson says, matter of fact.

“I don’t need a co-pilot.” Shiro says. He wants to shout. He wants to bellow, to knock the pompous air out of The Garrison for trying to send Keith into the war with him. _Keith deserves someone better._ He thinks. _Someone less damaged, more able._

“He does.” Iverson responds just as quickly. “And anyway, Kogane requested you.”

The words rain down on him harder than the day he returned to the Alaska base.

* * *

 

Shiro slams Iverson’s door behind him, the noise echoing against the yellowing walls of the base. He catches Keith, still standing to attention, out of the corner of his eye. “Come with me.” He says, barely glancing at him before he turns. Keith follows quickly, easily. The top of his head reaches just below Shiro’s eye level now. His legs are long enough to keep up with Shiro’s pace too. The growth spurt is a sharp contrast to the kid who'd barely reached his chest when they first met. _Keith is 20 now._ He reminds himself. _An adult. A soldier._ Something else reminds him.

Shiro leads them to the training centre. It’s empty this early in the morning. He goes straight to the closet, pulling out two staffs and throwing one at Keith who catches it easily.

Keith pulls back instantly, ready with a glimmer in his eyes and Shiro does the same. Even after a year, his body remembers this.

“Ready, kid?” He asks, readying his staff and giving Keith a steady gaze.

“I’m not a kid anymore, Sir.” Keith replies, before lunging for Shiro’s right side. _Going for my weakness. Smart._ Shiro thinks, blocking it easily with his new arm. Keith goes for his leg next. Then his shoulder. Left. Right. Right. Shiro blocks every one, using the opportunity to wear Keith down.

“You can’t be my co-pilot.” Shiro says as Keith goes for his right arm. Again. Keith only grunts in response, before twisting out of Shiro’s range as he aims a hit with his staff.

“I’m your best shot at a drift compatibility.” Keith replies. “We’ve known each other for a long time, we’re close. It’ll be easy.” He adds, his staff meeting Shiro’s between them. Keith grins and uses the momentum to put more distance between Shiro and himself.

“Keith, I’m not going to risk your life in a Jaeger.” Shiro replies.

“You won’t be. It’s my choice Shiro.” Wearing Keith down takes longer than it used to. Over the years Keith has learnt to maintain his stamina, to not rely on his speed alone, but something about sparring with Shiro always seems to bring out the recklessness in him. Shiro doesn’t know if it’s a determination to prove himself or excitement. It doesn’t really matter, because this time when Keith tries to take a shot Shiro grabs his staff.

“I can pilot alone, Keith.” Shiro says, making eye contact, he sees Keiths eyes widen before he pulls the staff forward and throws Keith off balance. Iverson had suggested that Keith needed training once. Shiro had disagreed, Keith needed opportunity. Opportunity to prove himself, to reach his potential. Iverson had just laughed and assigned Shiro as his mentor.

Keith falls to the floor with a thud.

Shiro had helped Keith grow throughout his time at The Garrison. He’d quickly gained Keith’s respect through sparring and late night simulator runs. Then he’d earned Keith’s friendship with cafeteria pizza and stargazing.

He doesn’t waste a moment when Keith is on the ground. Falling to his knees over him and moving to pin him, hands gripping Keith’s wrists easily. His body weight holding Keith’s hips down.

“What?” Keith asks, wrists slack in Shiro’s hold.

“I can pilot by myself. I piloted the Atlas alone in San Diego when I woke up.” He says quickly, shifting as Keith pushes back to maintain his hold.

“That’s-”

“Impossible?” Shiro finishes for him. Keith stops moving, like his heart is no longer in it, his eyes find Shiro’s through his dark bangs.

“Where did you go?” He asks. Shiro stills. It’s only now that he realises Keith’s voice has become deeper. That he’s not a 13 year old with dirt on his cheek who looks up to a third year cadet like he’s the sun personified.

“I don’t know.” Shiro replies. “I don’t remember.”

Keith blinks up at him before averting his gaze. “I missed you.” He says, so quietly that if he hadn’t seen Keith’s lips move Shiro would think he’d misheard.

“Keith.” He mummers.

“It was like that Kaiju ripped a part of my heart out too.” Keith continues. “Matt was- gone.” His voice breaks on the word. Shiro watches his adam’s apple move as he swallows. “And we didn’t know about you. No one knew. I told them you weren’t dead. There was no _body._ But they didn’t believe me.” All the anger Shiro had been feeling, that he’d directed at Keith and Iverson falls away. As Keith, his own moon reflecting his light, falls apart beneath him. There had been moments, before San Deigo, when Shiro thought he'd felt something. A burst of electricity between them, pulling them. But he’d ignored it. Keith had been a cadet. He’d been a pilot.

“I’m so sorry, Keith.” He says quietly, letting the electricity pull him down until his body covers Keith’s. His hands let go of Keith’s wrists. “I missed you too.” He says into Keith’s hair as he feels Keith’s arms find their way around him, pulling him in tight. He knows it’s true. Knows that whatever happened, whatever he had gone through he would have missed Keith. They’d spent every day together on base. Inseparable. He’d asked after Keith daily as he recovered in San Diego. “He’s doing well.” Iverson had said. A part of Shiro had known it was a lie. He returns Keith’s tight hold. He can’t let Keith pilot. He can’t anything happen to Keith. He doesn’t know what he’d do without him.

“And when they found you…” Keith continues, a hand finding it’s way to Shiro’s chin and pulling it up to meet Keith’s gaze. “I swore I’d never give up on you.”

The words, the promise Shiro had made to Keith all those years ago when he was a fresh cadet, hit him hard. Shiro barely thinks as he leans forward, lips finding Keith’s. He doesn’t care if anyone finds them, because he’s finally found Keith.

* * *

 

Shiro spends the rest of his nights in Keith’s room. Keith doesn’t mind. He welcomes it, The nights go faster when he can curl himself around Shiro, keep him safe, keep him within arms reach. After San Diego, after Matt died and Shiro was declared missing, he had been plagued by nightmares. Images of Kaiju tearing Shiro’s Jaeger apart like a toy. Shiro screaming, Shiro reaching out for him. Shiro trapped, alone, calling for help. Keith had resorted to pills to help him sleep, to training to keep his mind from the thoughts. To becoming the best The Garrison could offer against the fight. With Shiro in his arms everything stops. He sleeps through the night for the first time he can remember.

But as Keith’s nightmares stop, Shiro’s begin.

Keith learns to wake up quickly. He learns to react as Shiro gasps, leaning forward with heavy breaths. Keith had always been a light sleeper anyway. But tonight is different. Shiro had woken with a gasp, pulling the covers forward with him as he sat up. Keith springs up almost instantly, arm reaching for Shiro’s shoulder. But Shiro keeps on panting. His breaths coming quicker and quicker.

“Shiro?” He asks. Tone even. Hand rubbing in small circles across Shiro’s back.

“K…Keith.” He mutters between breaths, turning until hazy grey eyes find Keith’s. It fills Keith with panic. Shiro is scared. Shiro is breathing too fast and he doesn’t know what to do.

“It’s okay. I’m here.” He whispers, pulling Shiro into his chest.

Shiro had agreed to have Keith as his co-pilot. Had agreed to have a co-pilot. It had taken days of convincing, both from Keith and from Iverson. Keith had thought it would have been easier after they'd acknowledged their feelings for one another. After they’d spent an evening learning all there was to know about the other. But that had only made Shiro more difficult. They’d argued, but Shiro always came back. And Keith had made sure he was always there for Shiro to lean on. He’d made sure that Shiro knew he’d be there, right next to him in that Jaeger too, if Shiro would have him.

He feels Shiro’s breaths calm, falling into sync with his own. Feels the way his chest is moving, in and out. In and out.

“Wanna talk about it?” He asks softly.

Shiro continues breathing slowly for a few more seconds before he answers. “I was piloting Atlas.” He says slowly. “But more Kaiju kept appearing. And I couldn’t move her fast enough, it was like her left side wasn’t moving…” he trails off, leaning his body weight fully into Keith’s as Keith pulls them both back down into the bed, shushing him. “We took a hit. And then I realised I was going to die alone.” He adds quietly into Keith’s neck.

“You won’t be alone. you won't lose.” Keith says. “Because I’ll be there.” Tomorrow. His mind adds. Tomorrow, in their first real trial in the Jaeger, if they can successfully calibrate.

* * *

 

 _Two pilots on board._ Echos throughout the chamber as Shiro takes his position inside the head of the Jaeger. He tries not to think about how familiar it feels. He thinks about the heavy press of his armour instead. The Alaska suits are mainly white now. Shiro has black accents on his, red on Keith’s. _It suits him._  Shiro can't help thinking, can't help taking in the way the armour accentuates Keith's new muscle. Then he looks to his left, at the OPR arm waiting for Keith. He tries not to think about the person who isn’t by his side, tries not to think about the way Matt always managed to crack a bad joke before the neural handshake.

Shiro moves to the left hand side, the side he always used to take, and tries not to watch Keith lining up to his left.

“All pilots on board…”

He hears the Jaeger firing up. Feels it as the spinal clamp falls into place, connecting him to the machine.

“Preparing for neural handshake.” Iverson’s voice booms over their comms. “Remember, this is the final test of your drift compatibility. You’ll see each other’s memories, all the good and all of the bad. You must not chase a memory. Is that clear, pilots?”

“Yes Sir.” They both reply.

Shiro sneaks a glance at Keith, he watches the way his eyes are focused in front of them, the way his visor is clouding up a little too quickly with each breath and something in his heart clenches. Tightens. Not for the first time he wishes that the stations were closer. Close enough for co-pilots to find some support in one another. Instead he’s restrained, the spinal clamp holding him back in a cruel vice.

“Keith.” He says, his voice coming out steadier than he expects after last night. Keith’s head whips around to face him. “We’re not in the simulator anymore.” Shiro says, trying to keep his tone calming. Because this is it. This is real. They need to find out if they really are compatible. “The neural handshake will trigger random memories, don’t latch on.”

Keith nods, his chest still rising and falling, eyes wide.

“I know your first time drifting in a Jaeger can be scary. But It’s just nerves, don’t worry.” Shiro says, giving him what he hopes is a reassuring grin.

_Neural Interface Drift initiated._

* * *

 

The drift is just how it always was for Shiro. Memories dipped in light blue flash past him as he enters the drift. Letting his memories, his thoughts, his self, merge with Keith’s. The 1LDK his mother had called home in the Osaka suburbs. A shack in the desert. A turbulent flight. His mother’s smile. A tall man with stubble and Keith’s nose. A child crying. His own voice, shouting Matt’s name over and over. A Kaiju. Huge and impossibly close. A lizard climbing the wooden walls. Keith, bare chested and looking up at him from under the covers. “Pilot Takashi Shirogane is presumed dead.” Echos in his ear before they’re shocked back into reality.

Shiro moves back with ease. Letting the Jaegar, and Keith, guide him. He pulls up his left hand, aware that Keith is doing the same in his peripheral vision.

_Left hemisphere calibrated._

His right hand moves up to join his left, into a guard. So does Keith’s.

_Right hemisphere calibrated._

_Fully calibrated._

As the last reassurance, echos throughout the chamber Shiro looks over to Keith, ready to give him a well done. An _I’m proud of you. You’re everything._ Because if he hadn’t made it clear to Keith before today he’d certainly know after poking around in Shiro’s head.

But when he turns it isn’t Keith standing next to him.

It’s Matt.

The Jaeger flinches back. Knocking Matt out of the spinal clamp.

* * *

 

The Jaeger flinches again. The white of Keith’s suit returns.

“Shiro?” Keith’s voice rings out, loud and clear across the Jaeger. He can see the way Shiro’s head is drooping. The way his arms hang uselessly by his sides, just like Keith’s own.

 _Out of alignment. Code red._ Echos around them.

“Shiro!” He shouts, louder this time. “Shiro, come back.” He shifts as much as he can. He can’t see into Shiro’s helmet from this angle. He can’t move for the spinal clamp either. “Don’t chase the memories Shiro.” He tries again. But there's another jerk of the Jaeger.

“I’m right here!” He tries again. “Remember what I said Shiro, I’ll never give up on you.”

He watches in shock as the Jaeger begins to stabilise. Shiro’s body begins to move, arm moving in sync with Keith’s to his head.

 _Re-calibrated._ Echos in his ears but Keith pays it no mind. Eyes glued to Shiro as he turns to face Keith. Keith’s body mirroring his every movement.

“Just how many times are you going to save me?” Shiro asks, a warm smile on his face.

“As many times as it takes.” Keith replies as the Jaeger lights up around them.

 _Neural Handshake successful_.  _Pilots drift compatible._

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes I scream into the void on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Havanarr) and sometimes I reblog stuff on [tumblr.](http://havanarr.tumblr.com/)


End file.
